I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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