Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
