i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
