we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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