I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize