I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
