I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
