Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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