you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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