I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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