how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
