She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
