i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize