Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
