3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize