a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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