I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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