just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
