i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
