Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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