Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
sex in a hospital.. check
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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