I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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