Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
