I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need water and some morals
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
