she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
