I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
