I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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