is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
