Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
