nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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