Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
