my phone needs a breathalizer
my vag is so smooth its legendary
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
