she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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