my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
