I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
