Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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