i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
