Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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