omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
is it fun? or sober?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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