Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
