Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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