During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
