You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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