You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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