Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
