You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
