Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
