I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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