the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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