My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
