I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
