OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
