Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
