New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
