I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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