Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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