Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
