Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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