Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize