Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
