Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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