worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
