Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Randomize
