I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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