it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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