HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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