Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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