How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize