I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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