Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
