You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
