So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just pee around me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
