man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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