he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize