you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
God, I missed his penis.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
