True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
