i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize