Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
