He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I want a musical about memes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
