You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
