Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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