We won't sleep together?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
