she woke up with a sticky ear
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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