does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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