i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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