Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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