I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
