if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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