using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize