Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
