someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
