just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
