You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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