You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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