God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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