wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
