that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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