he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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