Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
