I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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