I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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