Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
