Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
